Indecisive. Unsettled.

2007 is coming to and end and since my return in 2005, I’ve somehow been indulging in NOTHING.

I’ve actually decided to end my term here but as Allah Knows best he creates a golden opportunity for me. An opportunity that would aid my thirst for learning. Yet this opportunity comes with unattractive term of still being here.

Being here in this island has been unsettling for me. When i do think of that someone it does bring me a jolt of rootedness to stay…just for a moment. MAYBE.

No entry has been posted since the last entry due to the unsettled and exhausted feelings that are present. I’ve tried to shake it off..i did..but..

Exhausted

I seem to be exhausted in continuing the drive of peers union.

Something amiss and I don’t sense the genuinity. I was not the best and not even the second best. Maybe because my subtle way does not prevail. I am clueless that emptiness prevails today. The last hug was not filled with any abundant emotions. It felt empty.

Probably, it is His way of telling me that you need to flee. Please Allah help me to find my ground. I am exhausted to challenge any soul that seeks that limelight. Or life perspective differs and it tires one to converse intellectually…I don’t feel at ease when conversing with one. We seem not to be on the same mode. Should it be be left that way ?

Sometimes distance may heal this feeling and I really need to flee.

These tears in silence hurts. Words hurt too. It feels like loosing someone.

Another Transition. The Embarkation

Assalammualaikum Wr. Wb. Kt,

This is my virgin entry here and before starting on new entries in accompanying my life journey, I’ve decided to reflect and re-learn my past entries. As, without the past there’s no future. It is the past that helps us to mould our present being in preparing us for the future and life after… Insya’allah.

I’ve posted the entry The New Beginning, below on 12 October 2003 at The Guarded Heart and I realized that I am still at Phase 4 of the life stage that I projected in 2003 . Yet to find a settling ground.

The New Beginning…
The phases of my transition is taking place…
Phase 3- Now. Visual Expression of my love to HIM, The Almighty. My heart which will stay guarded by HIM.
Phase 4- The Embarkation. Embarking on a blissful journey. HIS other plans for me.

The Transition
The new chapter of my life journey starts here,
as I am embarking on a blissful journey,
which HE has planned for me.
HIS plans are coming into place.
I have moved to a new abode and creating a new living attic.
The sacred month is here, i’ll focus my attention on HIM.
No distractions. Insya Allah.
Come December, departing to render my service…
and to learnt from it.
Come next year, I will be left alone to nurture my ownself.
To nurture my own needs and wants.
Dear friends, we meet again with HIS permission.
Everybody is here to stay, Insya Allah.
Wassalam.
We meet again. Allhamdulillah.